In Battle for the Allspark, everyone had Allspark Blue. In NEST, the peaceful Decepticons live in abject terror as they run for their lives from the homicidal Autobots.

Really good robot mode, tank mode and even transformation. Bludgeon is good across the board. Recommended even if you’re not a Bludgeon fanboy (heck, I’m not one either).

Yeah, I’m doing this a bit different. Of you wanna know right off the bat if you should get this guy, just refer to the above.

Anyhow, this is Bludgeon, a Voyager class Transformer from the Revenge of the Fallen toyline. An interesting factoid is that he’s designed to fit in reasonably well with the Classics/Universe 2.0 line, and I’d say they’ve succeeded.

In tank mode, Bludgeon looks great. He’s very toyetic. His green is both subdued, but at the same time, feels very much like a toy. But that’s a good thing. I feel like a kid again when I have him in tank mode. At the same time, he’s not garishly colored. Even the little bit of orange and unpainted plastic gray that shows up doesn’t detract from him overly. It’s a really nice tank with lots of neat details.

Transformation is complex, but nothing you can’t handle after the first time. It kind of feels old school super robot-ish for some reason, and in any case, everything fits together very well. You won’t end up with a compromised robot mode nor a tank mode with lots of gaps. Everything is neat and secure.

Robot mode is characterful, to say the least. I think the pictures speak for themselves in this regard. Anyway, despite having lots of kibble, none of it really gets in the way, and that’s awesome. For instance, the tank threads on either side of his arms are rubbery, so they won’t restrict articulation. And the tank turret on his back simply makes him look more military or samurai, as opposed to a tank turret hanging off his back. As you can tell from the pics, they look good regardless of how you display ‘em.

Overall
A very good toy with no notable weaknesses. For instance, he might have kibble, but they not only add to his look, but don’t get in the way of his articulation. I’d say get him. I’ve never really liked Bludgeon. What few comics I saw of him, despite trying to make him look cool, just came off as dorky to me. But this toy is really good, and may well be the best Voyager toy of the entire RotF line.

Pros: Everything.
Cons: Nothing.

3.8 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

Here’s the lowdown on RotF Scout-class Brakedown.

The robot mode is decent. It’s got somewhat gorilla proportions, much like Dead End/Nightbeat, and just like those guys, Brakedown even has balljointed wrists; only his don’t pop off from the ambient kinetic force in the air. At the same time, he’s still more humanly proportioned, since he doesn’t have a beastial head with insane eyes and also, he’s got a crotch. If I’ve got any problem with the robot sculpt, it’s be that there’s a flatness to the upper body that sort of makes him look like a Legends-class figure, particularly the head, which looks great from the front, but squished from the top or sides.

Speaking of his head design, it’s vunderbar. It has a very classic shape/crest to it, clearly defined eyes (rare for a Bayformer) and the face plate is actually kinda of bitchin’. Like your typical Bayformer, it’s mechanical and vaguely mangled, but it doesn’t look like a car wreck. Heck, he actually kinda looks like Rattrap. In fact, he’d probably make a decent earth-mode repaint of ol’ Ratty. But more on that later.

Oh, and articulation is superb.

Car mode is a cute little white Lamborgini. It almost kinda seems chibi-fied, though that could just be me.

Remember when I said Brakedown could be repainted as Rattrap though? Oooooh boy, could this guy ever be repainted. In robot mode, he’d make a decent Scout-class Barricade or what’s his name, guy who got sliced in half by RotF Sideswipe. And in vehicle mode… I mean, just look at him. Not only would he be an obvious G1 Sunstreaker and G1 Sideswipe repaint, he practically already looks like a police car. RiD Prowl anyone?

This mold is perfect for repainting, oh, and it has a neat little Gobot mode.

But probably the best thing about this guy is the transformation. It’s involved, yet very tight. Brakedown’s got lots of shellformery bits to him, but at the same time, his transformation has got lots of interesting quirks to it. This is probably one of the best transformations in the RotF Scout-class range, and rivals that of many Deluxes.

Overall
A decent robot mode with a cute but effective car mode and an awesome transformation. I’d recommend Brakedown. He’s one of the better RotF Scouts and to tell the truth, he’s something of a surprise hit to me.

3.6 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

Arrreview!

In 2001, Takara came out with a line of toys called Webdiver, which as far as I can tell, involved transforming robots duking it out in a virtual world, much like Digimon or the Rockman EXE games. Galleon here is one of the support toys for the star of the show, Gradion.

Going back to the star of this review however, we have Galleon, who is a galleon. An eastern style dragonboat pirate ship even. We know he’s a pirate ship because he has the Jolly Roger clearly shown on his sails, also, the dragon helm thingy has an eye-patch. And as we all know, only pirates and Kenpachi (and Major Bludd) would wear an eye-patch. We can therefore logically presume that Galleon is a pirate-y galleon.

This is a pretty awesome boat actually. The deck is horrible with lots of obvious robot bits sticking out, however, that’s hardly visible due to the sails. Instead, what is clearly visible is the exterior boat-y bits. From the gold plated carvings to the wood work to the individually ball jointed cannons, this guy is just an awesome boat. Or ship, if you prefer.

Transformation is simple but it gets you to where you want. There are some cheats here and there, such as the entire lower half being a “shield”, but hey, it’s a shield that shoots pressure launched harpoons/ancient Egyptian TORPEDOES.

The dragon man mode is exceptional. He looks great and is as tall as a modern Leader Class Transformer. He’s also crazy articulated for an older toy. Despite being from 2001, he’s actually pretty much more articulated than all but the most posable modern Transformers. I mean, both his upper and lower jaws are articulated, he’s got like, 3 points of articulation for the neck alone, each claw is individually articulated and even his toes are articulated.

He’s absolutely loaded with tons of gimmicks as well, which unfortunately, don’t work on mine. Since after all these years, the batteries in mine have leaked, thus rendering the light up features and infra-red interactive features no longer usable. Even without them though, Galleon is still an excellent toy.

Unfortunately, this guy is not only relatively rare due to his obscurity, but he can be expensive as well. Personally, I feel I’ve overpaid for mine. I was so excited to have found him, I asked the store guy if he could give Galleon to me for an offer price. He told me to just name a price and foolishly, I gave what I felt to be a reasonable offer (about 5000 Yen). I later realized that I should have checked the barcode to find out what the original retail price was (3980 Yen). Although I do feel he’s worth what I paid, I gotta admit, I can’t help kicking myself for not talking the price down more. Especially since my piece has the aforementioned battery leaking issue.

Overall
This is easily one of the best toys in my collection, and arguably a top 3 or 5 candidate. He’s an imminently interesting toy from an aesthetic standpoint, full of quirks and personality. He’s exceptionally articulated even against a modern toy, and he’s got loads of gimmicks you’ll probably never be able to use.

Pros: Exceptional in every way.
Cons: Minor compromises here and there. Rarity and probable price.

4.0 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

It is over 48 hours and I’ve not yet been returned to POWER. Forced to use this… limited portal to the real world (internet), I RAGE in my boredom. Beware, I SHALL return, and when I do, I shall spread nothing of significance unto the world wide web.

They tell me I’ll get net within the next 48 hours.

I need a table to write on.

Got loads of pics, who knows, might have a review or comic up soon, assuming I get my net back.

RARGH! NaNoWriMo!

I’m sorta alive. SORTA.

Basically, moved living location and STILL waiting for the telephony and internet services to activate at my new place. I’m currently in my hometown for the weekend, and hopefully I’ll get net back by the time I get home.

Naturally, I got a bunch of stuff while I’ve been away, and took a buncha random pics. My current setup’s not really conducive to writing though, but I’ll try to get some content up regardless. Even if it’s just piccage.

Meanwhile, Mecha Guignol’s awesome.

Another cop out, BUT it has a preview of what’s to come.

It’s not a cop out… technically, well, yes, it is. But hey, pics!

Note the lil woodland creature pilot from the black lagoon.

The opposite of Plasticrack.

Question: Will this become a regular feature?

Answer: No idea, I don’t normally buy toys I think I’d hate. But plasticrap happens, so occasionally, you’re stuck with a piece of plastic doo-doo. So just in case, might as well number ‘em.

Question: What toy are you actually reviewing and why are there no pictures?

Answer: That’s two questions y’dang mathematically challenged fool. Anywho, today we’re reviewing Protoform Starscream from the 2007 Transformers Live Action Movie toyline, and as for why there are no pictures of it in this review, it’s because I just gave it away, because I hate it sooooooo much.

Now, let’s not dally any longer, here’s the review.

The format’s gonna be a bit different, I’m just gonna talk about why this toy sucks and any redeeming qualities it might have.

The fact that he literally transforms into a piece of space shit aside, Protoform Starscream is just a badly engineered toy. He’s loose straight out of the package, although that can be fixed, so I won’t hold that against him. But what I will hold against him is his lack of articulation and most of all, his instability.

Starscream here has a whole bunch of ball joints you see, however, they all pretty much fail. For the hips, they’re notoriously loose out of the package. But that’s just the least of the ball joint problems.

The ball joints for the shoulders come out not from the side of Starscream’s torso, but down from his top shoulders. This is a problem as it means he can’t lift his arms above his shoulders at all. The best he can do is lift them laterally. But that’s not even the worst of it, the worst of his shoulder problems is that because of the awkward positioning of the ball joints, more often than not, you’re going to find yourself popping the arms off. It’s a total bitch trying to position the open end of the ball joints so as to pose the arms.

But probably the worst part about Protoform Screamer’s joints is his torso joint. Basically, you can’t transform the guy without popping the torso off. No matter how gently you try it. Some people don’t have that problem, but I do, and I reckon there are many others who do as well.

Oh, and by the way, I’m totally serious about him transforming into a piece of space shit. It’s like Protoform Prime transforms into a cybernetic space sperm. I love Proto Prime, but Proto Scream? Not so much.

This toy truly has very few redeeming features. The only ones I can think of is that he’d make a decent custom fodder and that he might even make a pretty cool Cybertronian Waspinator repaint. But both require that you be a customiser, as a regular toy person, you’re left with the toy equivalent of a Uwe Boll or Michael Bay movie.

Oh, and for those customisers who painted this guy silver and applied plenty of dry brushing or weathering or whatever technique? Sorry guys, but it really doesn’t make Proto Scream look any better. I admire your skills, but he still looks bad.

Edit: You might have noticed that aside from the mention of him transforming into space doo doo for his alt mode, I don’t talk about how he looks. That’s because of the whole “If you like the movie aesthetics”-weaksauce argument. Personally, I find most of the movie aesthetics to be horrendously ugly (and not in a good way like Bonecrusher, but in an ass way, like Proto Scream here), and Screamer is one of the worst of the lot. But I figured some people have poor taste in aesthetics, so they might find him appealing, and hey, with a Waspinator type color scheme, he MIGHT look decent.

Overall
In conclusion, if you see this guy on EBay or something, and it’s going for a ludicrously high price, skip it. It ain’t worth it. Sadly, lots of people are apparently looking for this guy, fueled by some positive reviews for this guy or the desire to collect from the ‘07 line. But I assure you, he’s pretty damn awful.

If you wanna take a look at what I’m talking about, here’s a YouTube vid I did of it awhile back. Also, Seibertron has a gallery of it here.