Arrreview!

In 2001, Takara came out with a line of toys called Webdiver, which as far as I can tell, involved transforming robots duking it out in a virtual world, much like Digimon or the Rockman EXE games. Galleon here is one of the support toys for the star of the show, Gradion.

Going back to the star of this review however, we have Galleon, who is a galleon. An eastern style dragonboat pirate ship even. We know he’s a pirate ship because he has the Jolly Roger clearly shown on his sails, also, the dragon helm thingy has an eye-patch. And as we all know, only pirates and Kenpachi (and Major Bludd) would wear an eye-patch. We can therefore logically presume that Galleon is a pirate-y galleon.

This is a pretty awesome boat actually. The deck is horrible with lots of obvious robot bits sticking out, however, that’s hardly visible due to the sails. Instead, what is clearly visible is the exterior boat-y bits. From the gold plated carvings to the wood work to the individually ball jointed cannons, this guy is just an awesome boat. Or ship, if you prefer.

Transformation is simple but it gets you to where you want. There are some cheats here and there, such as the entire lower half being a “shield”, but hey, it’s a shield that shoots pressure launched harpoons/ancient Egyptian TORPEDOES.

The dragon man mode is exceptional. He looks great and is as tall as a modern Leader Class Transformer. He’s also crazy articulated for an older toy. Despite being from 2001, he’s actually pretty much more articulated than all but the most posable modern Transformers. I mean, both his upper and lower jaws are articulated, he’s got like, 3 points of articulation for the neck alone, each claw is individually articulated and even his toes are articulated.

He’s absolutely loaded with tons of gimmicks as well, which unfortunately, don’t work on mine. Since after all these years, the batteries in mine have leaked, thus rendering the light up features and infra-red interactive features no longer usable. Even without them though, Galleon is still an excellent toy.

Unfortunately, this guy is not only relatively rare due to his obscurity, but he can be expensive as well. Personally, I feel I’ve overpaid for mine. I was so excited to have found him, I asked the store guy if he could give Galleon to me for an offer price. He told me to just name a price and foolishly, I gave what I felt to be a reasonable offer (about 5000 Yen). I later realized that I should have checked the barcode to find out what the original retail price was (3980 Yen). Although I do feel he’s worth what I paid, I gotta admit, I can’t help kicking myself for not talking the price down more. Especially since my piece has the aforementioned battery leaking issue.

Overall
This is easily one of the best toys in my collection, and arguably a top 3 or 5 candidate. He’s an imminently interesting toy from an aesthetic standpoint, full of quirks and personality. He’s exceptionally articulated even against a modern toy, and he’s got loads of gimmicks you’ll probably never be able to use.

Pros: Exceptional in every way.
Cons: Minor compromises here and there. Rarity and probable price.

4.0 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

It is over 48 hours and I’ve not yet been returned to POWER. Forced to use this… limited portal to the real world (internet), I RAGE in my boredom. Beware, I SHALL return, and when I do, I shall spread nothing of significance unto the world wide web.

They tell me I’ll get net within the next 48 hours.

I need a table to write on.

Got loads of pics, who knows, might have a review or comic up soon, assuming I get my net back.

RARGH! NaNoWriMo!

I’m sorta alive. SORTA.

Basically, moved living location and STILL waiting for the telephony and internet services to activate at my new place. I’m currently in my hometown for the weekend, and hopefully I’ll get net back by the time I get home.

Naturally, I got a bunch of stuff while I’ve been away, and took a buncha random pics. My current setup’s not really conducive to writing though, but I’ll try to get some content up regardless. Even if it’s just piccage.

Meanwhile, Mecha Guignol’s awesome.

Another cop out, BUT it has a preview of what’s to come.

It’s not a cop out… technically, well, yes, it is. But hey, pics!

Note the lil woodland creature pilot from the black lagoon.

The opposite of Plasticrack.

Question: Will this become a regular feature?

Answer: No idea, I don’t normally buy toys I think I’d hate. But plasticrap happens, so occasionally, you’re stuck with a piece of plastic doo-doo. So just in case, might as well number ‘em.

Question: What toy are you actually reviewing and why are there no pictures?

Answer: That’s two questions y’dang mathematically challenged fool. Anywho, today we’re reviewing Protoform Starscream from the 2007 Transformers Live Action Movie toyline, and as for why there are no pictures of it in this review, it’s because I just gave it away, because I hate it sooooooo much.

Now, let’s not dally any longer, here’s the review.

The format’s gonna be a bit different, I’m just gonna talk about why this toy sucks and any redeeming qualities it might have.

The fact that he literally transforms into a piece of space shit aside, Protoform Starscream is just a badly engineered toy. He’s loose straight out of the package, although that can be fixed, so I won’t hold that against him. But what I will hold against him is his lack of articulation and most of all, his instability.

Starscream here has a whole bunch of ball joints you see, however, they all pretty much fail. For the hips, they’re notoriously loose out of the package. But that’s just the least of the ball joint problems.

The ball joints for the shoulders come out not from the side of Starscream’s torso, but down from his top shoulders. This is a problem as it means he can’t lift his arms above his shoulders at all. The best he can do is lift them laterally. But that’s not even the worst of it, the worst of his shoulder problems is that because of the awkward positioning of the ball joints, more often than not, you’re going to find yourself popping the arms off. It’s a total bitch trying to position the open end of the ball joints so as to pose the arms.

But probably the worst part about Protoform Screamer’s joints is his torso joint. Basically, you can’t transform the guy without popping the torso off. No matter how gently you try it. Some people don’t have that problem, but I do, and I reckon there are many others who do as well.

Oh, and by the way, I’m totally serious about him transforming into a piece of space shit. It’s like Protoform Prime transforms into a cybernetic space sperm. I love Proto Prime, but Proto Scream? Not so much.

This toy truly has very few redeeming features. The only ones I can think of is that he’d make a decent custom fodder and that he might even make a pretty cool Cybertronian Waspinator repaint. But both require that you be a customiser, as a regular toy person, you’re left with the toy equivalent of a Uwe Boll or Michael Bay movie.

Oh, and for those customisers who painted this guy silver and applied plenty of dry brushing or weathering or whatever technique? Sorry guys, but it really doesn’t make Proto Scream look any better. I admire your skills, but he still looks bad.

Edit: You might have noticed that aside from the mention of him transforming into space doo doo for his alt mode, I don’t talk about how he looks. That’s because of the whole “If you like the movie aesthetics”-weaksauce argument. Personally, I find most of the movie aesthetics to be horrendously ugly (and not in a good way like Bonecrusher, but in an ass way, like Proto Scream here), and Screamer is one of the worst of the lot. But I figured some people have poor taste in aesthetics, so they might find him appealing, and hey, with a Waspinator type color scheme, he MIGHT look decent.

Overall
In conclusion, if you see this guy on EBay or something, and it’s going for a ludicrously high price, skip it. It ain’t worth it. Sadly, lots of people are apparently looking for this guy, fueled by some positive reviews for this guy or the desire to collect from the ‘07 line. But I assure you, he’s pretty damn awful.

If you wanna take a look at what I’m talking about, here’s a YouTube vid I did of it awhile back. Also, Seibertron has a gallery of it here.

Ring Ring Ring Ring Crustacean Phone!

Boost Phone Demolition is the… well, the Boost Phone for the main baddie, Zero One. Obviously, he’s a power up set, a glorified accessory. In this case, since I don’t have 01, for Fourth.

Anywho, Demolition is actually a more successful phone than Fourth, seeing as he doesn’t have quite as much undercarriage junk. He’s got a lot more stickers than Fourth, too, but that’s not necessarily a good thing though. Unlike with Fourth, it’s going to be harder to preserve Demolition’s stickers from wear and tear, especially when you use him as a weapons pack. But we’ll that to that later.

Crab-bot mode is also pretty cool, and you can flip his eyes around so they’d be mini-blasters too. So that’s neat.

Demolition’s got pretty good articulation, with the fully articulated arms and ball jointed legs and stuff.

Demolition doesn’t have any accessories, save for a piece of chewing gum. But AS an accessory, he’s absolutely loaded with play features. Provided you’ve got one of the main humanoid Phone Bravers, Demolition is pretty darn awesome. Just check out the pics. He can be a grapple arm, a chainsaw arm, visors and even tentacle leg thingies. Paired up with another Phone Braver, Demolition is gold. And since he’s as cheap as any other Phone Braver, it’s easily affordable to get both.

Overall
Demolition’s a good toy on his own already, but is absolutely fan-friggin’-tastic when partnered up. Considering the price, he’s worth picking up solo, but it’s recommended you pair him up with a partner.

Pros: Good toy in and of itself, great when paired up with a Phone Braver. Cheap.
Cons: Needs secondary Phone Braver for full potential. Potential sticker wear and tear.
Meh: Model Kit. Love ‘em or hate ‘em.

3.8 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

555-PINK – For Spanish, press 10. To hang up, press 1. For English, press 11.

Phone Braver was a series about sentient phones and police and stuff. The main baddie was a renegade phone by name of 01 who went nuts after his partners all bought it, and the main phone hero dude is 07, the newest model.

This particularly pink lady is 04, aka Fourth. I saw this candy toy for like, 4.00, 4.50 USD, so I figured, might as well give it a try.

First off, this is a mini-model kit, so you’re gonna have to build Fourth yourself. It’s not overly difficult, and it lets you see how perfectly they’ve sculpted these things. The fit is simply superb. The joints are all nice and tight. But also, it lets you see the fan-friggin-tastic engineering that goes into this lil’ girl.

She’s a pretty adequate looking cellphone, with plenty of molded details. Stickers are minimal, but used for maximum effect. And the robot mode surprisingly doesn’t look that bad. There’s lots of holes and pegs on the side and bottom of this figure, generally out of the way, but overall, it doesn’t detract from the look too much. Also, the swappable face is pretty dang neat.

Articulation… well, having built her myself, I can tell you she’s fully articulated. With swivel hinged hips and shoulders for full range of movement, swivel thighs and biceps and double hinged knees and elbows. There’s no waist per se, but she can bend forwards and backwards, since she IS a flip out type phone. She’s even got hinged toes.

Accessories-wise, Fourth comes with a piece of candy, since she IS a candy toy. I was hesitant to chomp down on the candy, but it’s not bad, and it’s actually more of a chewing gum anyway. While Fourth doesn’t come with any other accessories per se, I did buy another Phone Braver called Demolition. Once I construct that guy, he’ll not only be some weird crab phone, but he can be taken apart and used as a weapon pack for Fourth. Hence why there’s so many posts and ports on her.

Overall
A fantastic little toy. For a price that can’t be beat, you get a model kit that’s pretty extensive but not especially difficult. And a really solidly engineered transformable toy phone. And a piece of chewing gum. I’d totally recommend ebaying or maybe HLJing a pack or carton of these guys. They’re more than worth the price if you can get them dirt cheap.

Pros: Cheap. Posable. Transforming phone. Pink.
Cons: Nothing significant.
Meh: Model Kit. Love ‘em or hate ‘em.

4.0 out of 4.0

———————————–
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent

Fluffy Fluffy Time!