April 13th, 2009: Wore a yellow summer dress and listening to a reading on the theory of evolution.
Today I, Graughargh, was like, totally minding my own business when I like, saw this crummy wooden shack out on the internets, and I was like, Oh-eM-Gee, new “Designer Jeans Sold In A Crummy Wooden Shack”-boutique! So I went in and like, went into the changing room and took all my clothes off.*
And then this shaggy guy attacked me and I was like, Run away! Run away! Then I ran smack dabbed into some guy named balibalos and he was like, “Duuuuuuuude(tte), you made me drop my axe!” and I was like, “Yeah? Well you made me drop my FIST in your FACE!” and then I punched him in the teeth, which hurt… a lot… because he’s got good strong teeth and my hands are soft.
While I was rubbing the feeling back into my hand, he punched me. So then I headbutted him, and then he kicked me, and then I remembered that I took all my clothes off ** and realized I was x3 as fast. So then I started punching him twice and to make a long story short, I won.
Then I fought ericaaaaaa and I won. Why did I fight ericaaaaaa? I dunno, I was feeling ditzy from getting my head kicked in when I fought balibalos. I had to get off the streets though, my head’s like, feeling waaaay too screwy. I srsly need to compose myself.
So I stumbled back to… wherever, it’s another crummy wooden shack, I think I’ll just live here and if anyone complained, well, sod off. I was here first.
I was going through the fridge when Gibran (don’t ask me how I knew her name) walked in and was like “Ah! Ur in my house, raiding my fridge!” and I was like “Srsly, enough with the LOL/Valleygirl memes already!” and so we fought, because technically, I was trespassing in her house and stealing her food and silverware.
She was quick. She was as x3 as fast as I was x3 times as fast. And she was tougher too. Or maybe I was just tired from the earlier random acts of violence, but it didn’t take too long before I was slowing down and it looked like this was it for me. And then BANG! BANG!
She hit me with a one-two punch and everything was going all white, and in that whiteness, my life began to flash before my eyes, in reverse. I saw ericaaaaaa whom I beat up for no reason, I saw myself picking up balibalos’ axe, I saw balibalos and I fighti-waitaminute, rewind that last bit!
What? Me and balibalos fighting? Nonono, chronologically after that. Picking up balibalos’ axe?
Yeah! That bit! I have a motherfraggin’ axe! Oooooh yeah, now it’s ON baby!
I willed myself out of the whiteness of unconsciousness just in time to see Gibran about to crack my skull with her fist, so then I went “Gimme some sugar baby!” and did a combination pirouette and axe swing which not only let me dodge her fist, but chop it off as well.
For some reason, that didn’t incapacitate her in agonizing pain. Maybe it was the adrenaline, but she just jumped back into position and tried to beat my face in with her stump. But since her arm’s a lot shorter now, she misjudged the distance and that let me dodge her stump. Then I murdered her with the axe.
You can see the fight here.
So now I’m the proud owner of a crummy old shack, courtesy of the previous owner’s mysterious disappearance. And that would cap the day off, you’d think. But nooooooo. I had to fight two more peeps and they beat me up good. They had weapons though, those cheating bastards.
As you’d imagine, that left me pretty depressed. I lost all my clothes ***, but got a crummy wooden shack. But then I got beat up… twice! So it’s a net loss overall. I was feeling so down that when I saw this guy walking his puppy, I ran up and kicked the dog. For some reason, the guy and his dog didn’t dig that, so they started attacking me for no good reason, so I punched the guy down, took out my axe and murdered the puppy like a Decepticon. Then I killed him for good measure.
See it here.
I may have lost twice, but I killed two random innocents. Overall, I broke even today.
* Except for my Custom Crimson Stephen Chow’s Bruce “Game of Death” Lee skin suit (since it’s custom and crimson, it’s x3 times as fast).
** Refer to *
*** Refer to **
Some game, my character’s Graughargh. As in Graugh + Argh, because Graugh’s been taken. Looks like you create a character and pit them in fights against other characters. The fights are automated, so it’s something of a crap shoot. I’ll post these kinda posts if something interesting happens in Graughargh’s fights.
You can visit the game here.