I can buy the whole idea that the aliens have some kind of weird substance that does freaky genetic DNA mutation or whatever. What gets me is that it’s the very same substance that they use for starship fuel. It’s like inventing gasoline that causes leprosy.
This is Hasbro’s Rise of Cobra: G.I. Joe Senior Ranking Officers 3-Pack. They’re pretty much all repaints, except for Speed Metal in the middle there, who at least has a new head. I reviewed the Cobra version of this 3-Pack in part 2 and part 3 of the Super Duper Mass Reviews thingy I did awhile back. So let’s jump right in.
First up we have the guy on the far left, the Sgt of SLAUGHTER himself, the man whose first words were reportedly “Semper fi!” and who is reputedly blow a month’s pay in just a day in Thule, Greenland and sympathized with Iraq during the Gulf War… Brendan Frasier, aka Sgt. Stone.
Sgt. Stone is just a straight up repaint of his single carded version. The main difference is that his pants are now army green, which means he no longer looks like a reject from the Street Fighter movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia. That’s the good news. The bad news is that he looks utterly generic now. Which has it’s perks as far as army building go, but still, it leaves you with a pretty uncharacterful toy. He comes with his display stand and a silver automatic shotgun thingy, which looks quite good actually. Naturally, he loses all his other accessories from the single pack.
Next up we have the guy in the middle, Hyper Gandhi, codename Speed Metal. He’s wearing a bronze-ish version of Ripcord’s Accelerator Suit, which looks pretty neat in a Captain Power and the Soldiers of Tomorrow way. In fact, once he has his helmet on his chrome dome head, he’s pretty much a reject from that show.
Speaking of his head, I like that he’s bald, but yeah, he looks like Ben Kingsley, hence he looks like Gandhi, hence, this is a toy of Gandhi wearing power armor, hence “Hyper Gandhi”. Which is another reason why I love this particular toy. Also, you can just as easily pretend this bald dude is actually Lex Luthor. The possibilities are (finitely) endless.
Another thing to note with Hyper Gandhi’s body design is that it’s probably gonna inevitably be repainted for a Cobra unit of some sort. If you look at the details, you’ll notice a lot of “scales” sculpted on, and even the main chest crest looks like a hooded Cobra. I’m wondering if this Accelerator Suit design was originally meant for a Cobra character but got nixed for the Joes when the movie script called for them getting power suits?
Finally, Speed Metal comes with his display stand, and an identical gun to Sgt. Stone’s. Only his isn’t painted.
Finally, we come to Zartan. First off, this character is named Grunt… yeah, and he’s in a SENIOR Ranking Officers 3-Pack. I mean, that just doesn’t compute for the regular buyer. Not only that, what the heck kinda codename is Grunt anyway? I know he’s a long time Joe character, but still, let’s face it, that’s hardly a codename with much career prospects potential.
Anywho, Grunt is just a repaint of RoC Zartan using the alternate generic head as the primary head. He’s in all green which makes him look even more like the grunt he’s named after. He’s also totally gay. And totally took advantage of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.
Seriously, first thought when I got to him? Transvestite. He’s got a broad chest but where it connects to the mid torso, it’s really really thin, but then it flares out toward the hips. Giving him a caricature of womanly proportions. And it REALLY doesn’t help that his hands are sculpted in the stereotypical gay guy upward bent wrist pose.
Frankly, Grunt’s ambiguous sexuality is this figure’s only redeeming feature. Based on this guy, I’d recommend avoiding the single carded Zartan as well, despite all the neat accessories he comes with. And speaking of accessories, Grunt comes with a display stand, a backpack and a gun. Losing out on all of Zartan’s accessories.
All three figures sport the standard G.I. Joe articulation, which is pretty good.
This is an extremely underwhelming 3-Pack. Except for Hyper Gandhi/Speed Metal, they’re all pretty boring. And everyone’s pretty skimpy in the accessories department as well, unlike the Cobra version where everyone still had a decent set of weaponry. While none of the figures are technically bad, there’s no reason to get them at all. Sure they’re cheap, but so’s the Cobra version, and you get a whole lot more out of that one. Only get this set if you can’t find the Cobra one, and you have 2 or 3 kids for this set to spread around with. Otherwise, save your cash.
Pros: Good engineering. Cheap.
Cons: Grunt. Lacks accessories. BORING.
2.1 out of 4.0
0.0 – 0.0 = I’d pay to get rid of it
0.1 – 0.5 = I’d give it away
0.6 – 1.0 = I wouldn’t take it for free
1.1 – 1.5 = Very Bad
1.6 – 2.0 = Bad
2.1 – 2.5 = Average
2.6 – 3.0 = Good
3.1 – 3.5 = Very Good
3.6 – 4.0 = Excellent