Plasticrap #1

The opposite of Plasticrack.

Question: Will this become a regular feature?

Answer: No idea, I don’t normally buy toys I think I’d hate. But plasticrap happens, so occasionally, you’re stuck with a piece of plastic doo-doo. So just in case, might as well number ’em.

Question: What toy are you actually reviewing and why are there no pictures?

Answer: That’s two questions y’dang mathematically challenged fool. Anywho, today we’re reviewing Protoform Starscream from the 2007 Transformers Live Action Movie toyline, and as for why there are no pictures of it in this review, it’s because I just gave it away, because I hate it sooooooo much.

Now, let’s not dally any longer, here’s the review.

The format’s gonna be a bit different, I’m just gonna talk about why this toy sucks and any redeeming qualities it might have.

The fact that he literally transforms into a piece of space shit aside, Protoform Starscream is just a badly engineered toy. He’s loose straight out of the package, although that can be fixed, so I won’t hold that against him. But what I will hold against him is his lack of articulation and most of all, his instability.

Starscream here has a whole bunch of ball joints you see, however, they all pretty much fail. For the hips, they’re notoriously loose out of the package. But that’s just the least of the ball joint problems.

The ball joints for the shoulders come out not from the side of Starscream’s torso, but down from his top shoulders. This is a problem as it means he can’t lift his arms above his shoulders at all. The best he can do is lift them laterally. But that’s not even the worst of it, the worst of his shoulder problems is that because of the awkward positioning of the ball joints, more often than not, you’re going to find yourself popping the arms off. It’s a total bitch trying to position the open end of the ball joints so as to pose the arms.

But probably the worst part about Protoform Screamer’s joints is his torso joint. Basically, you can’t transform the guy without popping the torso off. No matter how gently you try it. Some people don’t have that problem, but I do, and I reckon there are many others who do as well.

Oh, and by the way, I’m totally serious about him transforming into a piece of space shit. It’s like Protoform Prime transforms into a cybernetic space sperm. I love Proto Prime, but Proto Scream? Not so much.

This toy truly has very few redeeming features. The only ones I can think of is that he’d make a decent custom fodder and that he might even make a pretty cool Cybertronian Waspinator repaint. But both require that you be a customiser, as a regular toy person, you’re left with the toy equivalent of a Uwe Boll or Michael Bay movie.

Oh, and for those customisers who painted this guy silver and applied plenty of dry brushing or weathering or whatever technique? Sorry guys, but it really doesn’t make Proto Scream look any better. I admire your skills, but he still looks bad.

Edit: You might have noticed that aside from the mention of him transforming into space doo doo for his alt mode, I don’t talk about how he looks. That’s because of the whole “If you like the movie aesthetics”-weaksauce argument. Personally, I find most of the movie aesthetics to be horrendously ugly (and not in a good way like Bonecrusher, but in an ass way, like Proto Scream here), and Screamer is one of the worst of the lot. But I figured some people have poor taste in aesthetics, so they might find him appealing, and hey, with a Waspinator type color scheme, he MIGHT look decent.

In conclusion, if you see this guy on EBay or something, and it’s going for a ludicrously high price, skip it. It ain’t worth it. Sadly, lots of people are apparently looking for this guy, fueled by some positive reviews for this guy or the desire to collect from the ’07 line. But I assure you, he’s pretty damn awful.

If you wanna take a look at what I’m talking about, here’s a YouTube vid I did of it awhile back. Also, Seibertron has a gallery of it here.

This entry was posted in Plasticrap, Toy Reviews, Transformers, Transformers Movie (2007) and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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